Cleaved or Enmeshed

Week 6 Journal

Before we go any further, it seems necessary to provide some definition behind this post’s title.

Cleave

Verb

stick fast to.

adhere strongly to (a particular pursuit or belief)

To cleave to is hold fast, to remain with, to be unique yet choose to hold strongly to.

Enmesh

Verb

to become entangled in something

in a difficult situation from which it is hard to escape

To be enmeshed in is to be uncertain of where one ends and the other begins.

Who You Are

A joke often spouted within my group of friends is “ your (or my) personality is _______. It is often spoken of me in a fun manner. “Your personality is being a creative”, or “fancy coffee and cocktails”. As of late, I have enjoyed hearing, “Zach’s personality is driving a minivan” (and yes it is true and I absolutely rock my Toyota Sienna). While in my case these statements are each jokes, at least I hope they are, for many this could be a reality.

To explore this idea, let’s take a look at my good friend, Tommy. A recent graduate with a degree in finance and a desire to prove competence through status, he was obsessed with claiming the title of an Analyst. So much to the point, it became his life and person. The only thing he cared about was the approval that perceivable came alongside status. Paired with this was his relationship at the time. There was never a moment for nearly 2 years he wasn’t thinking about his status or his relationship with his then girlfriend.

Tommy had become enmeshed. He was so entangled with the idea that a title and relationship would satisfy him that they become the only two aspects of his person. He was fully consumed to the point he lost himself, his relationship, and his title. It took him a breakup, quarter-life crisis, and a lot of therapy to see that he lost sight of where he ended and his relationship began or where his desire for status began.

A World Addicted

Is this not so true in the world? So many people, as covered in our blog False Confidence, seek after something else to satisfy them. This often comes to the point of enmeshment. I have met countless people who have no sense of self, only a sense of external perception. To satisfy the cultural and worldly ideas that they believe restrict them, many lose sight of themselves and become fully wrapped up in the pursuit of an idealistic yet unobtainable reality. We are addicted to showing others that we are worth something.

So what does this have to do with marketing, or anything really?

Perpetuating Reality

Marketers have an incredible opportunity. In a world where virtue is sold before products there lies a possibility to allow the world to live cleaved, not enmeshed.

Lifestyle marketing has been incredibly effective for the reason that was previously described. People search after something they believe will make them satisfied. So, marketers can capitalize on this law of human behavior to discretely make the claim that the lifestyle we are providing through a product or service will lead you to be content. While effective, I find this lacking.

As a marketer, I hope to help people be cleaved, rather than enmeshed within. The difference, to be cleaved is to have enjoyment, but not identity, in something. To be cleaved is to stick to convictions, but not be controlled by them. It allows people to be who they were made to be, to see themselves as they are and not as broken pieces they believe will make them whole.

So how can this world of attention-grabbing help progress the reality that contentment and satisfaction is not found in an external virtue and external approval? I think the answer lies within the marketing tactics which we use. For example, many tactics pry on the dissatisfaction of people on a deeper level than our basic human needs. Dating apps target our desire for love, new places to eat and drink at claim that you will be socially relevant if you go to their space. Instead of progressing these narratives of when, then, maybe as marketers we push the message of story.

Story is King

This is a fairly popular phrase in the filmmaking community. Story is better than incredible visuals, sound design, expensive cameras, etc. The story is the heart of any film. The same principle lies in how marketing can be used to help sell products, services, and experiences without progressing an enmeshed world. How? By conveying the story and passion behind things as opposed to the messaging stating that people will finally be satisfied by your product. The difference is minuscule but the impact psychologically could be profound.

The case for story pushes appreciation for the efforts of others, it is not inward-focused, rather it aims to drive action through appreciation and relationship. It brings humanity into marketing. Instead of spreading the falsified message that our puzzle piece will make you whole, marketers could choose to simply share the why of the product. Maybe some ailment is solved, but the narrative that something will supply your purpose and identity is removed.

Implications

So what does this mean? It means that as marketers we should to the greatest of our abilities seek to understand the heart and story behind that which we are marketing. Second, comes the target market, understanding who needs to hear this message, who will be positively impacted by this story. Third, the question of how we can effectively share this story and how it can impact the target market comes into play. It’s a similar approach to the traditional marketing method, but at its heart comes a sense of humanity and desire not to sell virtue, but rather share a story and allow an opportunity for people to become part of its next chapter.